Low-Key and Lavish

It was already noon on the long-awaited 13th of Never, and I was STILL trying to decide who (or what!) to be for the city-wide “All-Ages Be Not Yourself” event. Admission was free, and the festivities would be held both indoors and outdoors, with Valuable Prizes being awarded in the evening, on the outdoor stage, when the night had turned cool.

I didn’t want to spend any coin, so I’d have to put together a costume from what I already had in terms of clothing and accessories. At first I thought of coming as Donnawilla, Queen of the Dawn, from the old TV series “Land of Stars and Stories.” But my white gown had been stained by tomato juice the last time I’d worn it, and no amount of scrubbing would whiten it again. The flowery crown I could weave together from silk blossoms I’d collected over the years, and the cloud-sandals could have been created from cotton balls, but...no white gown.

Then I thought, why not switch genders and come as Brutalio the Wise Warrior from that other old TV series, “Once and Future Battles,” but I was reluctant to wear that wide, heavy band of embossed metal across my chest; it had actually cut into me the last time I’d worn it, though I hadn’t noticed because I was having so much fun. (I was planning on staying just a bit more sober this time.)

There was always Big Baby from the old film, “Playtime in the Underbrush.” The costume was simple, just a diaper and harness and a round fake nose, but I wasn’t up for the “method” acting that would be required. Big Baby was a lively, jumping, shouting sort of character. I was feeling very low-key this day, and more like being an observer than one observed.

Then I remembered the figure of The Onlooker from the graphic novel “Scenes of Love and Carnage.” Simple. Dress all in black, with a red-and-white turban, and carry a pair of binoculars. I’d have to attach an antenna to the binoculars, but I had the materials. Would anyone recognize and remember this character? I wasn’t sure. Perhaps a name tag would be useful. How could I make the I.D. unobtrusive? Ah, I could use a luggage tag and wrap the little chain around my wrist. It wouldn’t be easily seen, but if someone asked, I could offer my hand, silently, since The Onlooker never spoke. Also, The Onlooker was seen to glide around, so I figured I’d put on my roller skates.

I was excited. I still had three hours to pull this outfit together, and I was sure I could do it satisfactorily. As I started searching through my available black garments, I thought how wonderful it was to live in a city that celebrated this holiday in such a lavish way.

— Macoff