Don’t worry,” the female detective states. “We’ll bust the perps. We always do!” She’s a Gulf War vet, and her arm tattoo and military posture only add to the effect. As a Drag Net fan, I appreciate her talking like a real cop.
It’s Thanksgiving weekend. Usually, I don’t look at work during the holidays, but I have eaten too much stuffing and don’t feel like wasting the calories on anything resembling exercise.
I log into our business’s online bank account, and it’s about $14,000 short. “What the hell!” I wonder. I start clicking on the individual checks. Three are made out to people I don’t know, and I don’t recognize my signature on the front of the checks. “What the hell!” I repeat as I cram a spoonful of stuffing into my mouth.
I call my bank, but it’s closed for the holiday weekend, so I contact the local police department. On Monday, I meet the detective at our business. It appears the maid or one of her friends has helped herself to several company checks stored in the cupboard in my office. The missing items were in the middle of the pile.
The bank stops payments, so I’m not too worried about that. The female detective calls in the maid for questioning, but she “lawyers up” and will admit nothing. I wonder how this minimum wage thief intends to pay an attorney, but maybe she plans to write him a bad check.
Eventually, the cops call in the maid’s bad boyfriend and some of his buddies. One of the minor perps turns his cell phone over to the cops, who review the internet search history. “How do you pass a bad check?” shows up. Not the brightest star in the sky, I think. Another guy uses one of the checks to buy a used car. I hope the former owner of the car didn’t offer an extended warranty with the sale.
Arrests are made, and bonds are posted. The lead perp tries stealing a car while free on bail. He returns to the county lockup and eventually to state prison, where hopefully, he’s learning not to be a dumb ass.
My former maid unfriends me on Facebook. I request a new maid from the cleaning service and start locking up my checks.
Live and learn, folks.
Live and learn.
— opelikakat
It’s Thanksgiving weekend. Usually, I don’t look at work during the holidays, but I have eaten too much stuffing and don’t feel like wasting the calories on anything resembling exercise.
I log into our business’s online bank account, and it’s about $14,000 short. “What the hell!” I wonder. I start clicking on the individual checks. Three are made out to people I don’t know, and I don’t recognize my signature on the front of the checks. “What the hell!” I repeat as I cram a spoonful of stuffing into my mouth.
I call my bank, but it’s closed for the holiday weekend, so I contact the local police department. On Monday, I meet the detective at our business. It appears the maid or one of her friends has helped herself to several company checks stored in the cupboard in my office. The missing items were in the middle of the pile.
The bank stops payments, so I’m not too worried about that. The female detective calls in the maid for questioning, but she “lawyers up” and will admit nothing. I wonder how this minimum wage thief intends to pay an attorney, but maybe she plans to write him a bad check.
Eventually, the cops call in the maid’s bad boyfriend and some of his buddies. One of the minor perps turns his cell phone over to the cops, who review the internet search history. “How do you pass a bad check?” shows up. Not the brightest star in the sky, I think. Another guy uses one of the checks to buy a used car. I hope the former owner of the car didn’t offer an extended warranty with the sale.
Arrests are made, and bonds are posted. The lead perp tries stealing a car while free on bail. He returns to the county lockup and eventually to state prison, where hopefully, he’s learning not to be a dumb ass.
My former maid unfriends me on Facebook. I request a new maid from the cleaning service and start locking up my checks.
Live and learn, folks.
Live and learn.
— opelikakat
Well...I like the way it's all present tense. It glides by... the parade of "bad" people. Surely they have a story, too? Never mind. ---Macoff
ReplyDeleteThere are some very funny lines in here. I too enjoy the first person. So entertaining and well crafted. Thanks for the chuckles.
ReplyDelete