His pot-smoking counterculture mother thought she was so damn clever. Sticking her oldest child with a name like Lucifer – Luce for short – or Loose when he felt especially daring after his third shot of tequila. All his life, kids gave him literal hell. "Hey Luce. Smote any angels lately? Quite a pointy tail you have."
How could anyone succeed when all the major religions in the world pointed to you as the source of evil, the downfall of humankind? He wouldn't eat an apple if you paid him, but that didn't stop the taunts - classmates piling his locker full of apples that came tumbling out when he opened the door.
No wonder he had to repeat 3rd grade. He read every Marvel comic he could buy or swipe, but who cared about Flat Stanley or Dog Man with all the" lessons learned" crap they threw at young kids.
Going to Vacation Bible School was the worst. WTF! His mom didn't go to church, but it was cheaper than daycare during the summer, so off he went. Learning about the "son of the morning" who had "fallen from heaven" and was "cast down to the earth." His teachers let him sit in the corner, away from all the angel children. Not once did they hug or call on him.
He barely escaped from high school. No honor club or senior prom. No school friends! Instead of graduation ceremonies with stupid flat top hats and synthetic gowns that barely covered your ass, he was out with other fallen angels waging war against all humanity.
When his mom kicked him out of the house one month later, he stole enough from her pocketbook to rent a roach-infested room at the weekly rate. He finally managed to find a job loading groceries into fat suburbanites' cars. The store didn't check references, so they bought it when he gave his name as Bob. At the very least, he was tall, strong, and not bad-looking. He would chat up the housewives as he loaded their trunks and almost always received a good tip.
Finally, he moved into a cramped apartment with two other bag boys. They took turns sleeping on the lumpy couch, but it beat camping outside with the mosquitoes.
Dinner was fast food and whatever he could steal from the store. He took to wearing a loose coat with big pockets which he would stuff full of food at the end of each shift. He remembered a line from Bible School. "Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made." He pictured himself as a serpent munching down on beef jerky while swigging a Bud Light.
And so, it went on until he was called into the office one day. "You're fired!" his boss said, barely glancing up. "We have enough customers shoplifting without employees stealing from us. Just get out!"
Bob quickly headed to the front door but stopped at the checkout counter and grabbed a package of beef jerky. He tore open the wrapper and bit into the dried meat. "Screw you and screw the horse you rode in on! he yelled as he walked out the door, not caring that no one could understand what he said because of the jerky in his mouth.
— opelikakat
How could anyone succeed when all the major religions in the world pointed to you as the source of evil, the downfall of humankind? He wouldn't eat an apple if you paid him, but that didn't stop the taunts - classmates piling his locker full of apples that came tumbling out when he opened the door.
No wonder he had to repeat 3rd grade. He read every Marvel comic he could buy or swipe, but who cared about Flat Stanley or Dog Man with all the" lessons learned" crap they threw at young kids.
Going to Vacation Bible School was the worst. WTF! His mom didn't go to church, but it was cheaper than daycare during the summer, so off he went. Learning about the "son of the morning" who had "fallen from heaven" and was "cast down to the earth." His teachers let him sit in the corner, away from all the angel children. Not once did they hug or call on him.
He barely escaped from high school. No honor club or senior prom. No school friends! Instead of graduation ceremonies with stupid flat top hats and synthetic gowns that barely covered your ass, he was out with other fallen angels waging war against all humanity.
When his mom kicked him out of the house one month later, he stole enough from her pocketbook to rent a roach-infested room at the weekly rate. He finally managed to find a job loading groceries into fat suburbanites' cars. The store didn't check references, so they bought it when he gave his name as Bob. At the very least, he was tall, strong, and not bad-looking. He would chat up the housewives as he loaded their trunks and almost always received a good tip.
Finally, he moved into a cramped apartment with two other bag boys. They took turns sleeping on the lumpy couch, but it beat camping outside with the mosquitoes.
Dinner was fast food and whatever he could steal from the store. He took to wearing a loose coat with big pockets which he would stuff full of food at the end of each shift. He remembered a line from Bible School. "Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made." He pictured himself as a serpent munching down on beef jerky while swigging a Bud Light.
And so, it went on until he was called into the office one day. "You're fired!" his boss said, barely glancing up. "We have enough customers shoplifting without employees stealing from us. Just get out!"
Bob quickly headed to the front door but stopped at the checkout counter and grabbed a package of beef jerky. He tore open the wrapper and bit into the dried meat. "Screw you and screw the horse you rode in on! he yelled as he walked out the door, not caring that no one could understand what he said because of the jerky in his mouth.
— opelikakat
This was fun! I'm pissed at Luce's mother. She should have CHANGED the name before he started kindergarten! Also, I miss the days when one could actually "rent a roach-infested room at the weekly rate." I'm concerned about Luce. Man does not live by jerky alone. --- Macoff
ReplyDeleteI wrote a story in which the parents named the Child "Wordle". The results were pretty much the same. Names are serious. So sorry Luce's parents were stupid.
ReplyDelete