Not it

They were each other’s rebound person. A temporary safe harbor while searching for it.

How many times? Many, over a 5 years stretch.

Suzi was a Unitarian. She was open and sexually grounded, which is to say that she enjoyed sex and knew what she wanted.

Bob was brought up Catholic. He was not sexually grounded. He was riddled by guilt and always concerned that his sexual expression was somehow or other a burden on his partner of the time. But, he was intense, passionate, and funny which Suzi was attracted to.

Bob and Suzi had been a couple for a few years. As much as they liked each other, they were not each other’s people. No, they were not. And there wasn’t anything bad about their togetherness. It was easy. It was fun. The sex was great…….maybe better than with anyone else. So it was difficult to stop. But they were headed in different directions in life. They were looking for different things. Neither of them had found It, but both of them knew, as much as they liked each other they were not It.

They were both serial monogamists. Each time they went out looking and it did not work out for one or the other of them, they would call each other. The first time, Suzi called Bob to join her at the Crystal Steam Baths, a place they both loved, but a pretty intimate environment. Bob said: “Are you sure, Suzi.” I mean, you don’t want to start up again do you? “ “No, Bob. Get over yourself.” Suzi said. “I’m just looking for friendship and a good time. You and I are not It and we both know it.”

So they met up at Crystal, and sure enough, Suzi wanted and Bob resisted because he thought he “should.” Until Suzi stared him down and said: “Bob, I don’t want to resume our relationship, but I do want to screw around. Just let yourself.” And, so their “safe-harbor” status began, and over the next five years, they would get back together at any availability. One or the other of them would say, “I think I am getting serious with someone, so maybe we should stop.” It was always frustrating to the one of them who was not serious with someone yet, but that was the deal.

Once, Bob thought he had found It but was wrong. His hoped It dumped him and devastated him, breaking the mirror in which he incorrectly saw himself reflected in his own love-struck obsession.

Eventually, Suzi called, came and comforted, and was comforted in return. It was five years down the line since their own relationship had broken. They had been each other’s rebound person for short or long periods of time each of those five years and never had either of them wanted to resume their relationship, but they had always been there for each other when the new relationship failed when the trip was over when one returned home from out of state because each of them knew they would take it lightly but accept each other’s yearning until they finally found IT. Which each of them eventually did. They went to each other’s weddings. They lived separate lives and reconnected decades later over tea, with their respective spouses. They never talked about their safe harbor relationship, of course. But it was good to see each other, nonetheless. They may not have been It, but they were important, kind, hot messes in their past and held each other fondly in their present and happy hearts.

— DanielSouthGate