National Obsession

So, it was a really big deal back then. That’s what my hyperbolic parents explain to me, anyway. I’m sure it was a thing, with their friends at least, but it is very hard for me to believe that it was as big a deal as they say. I mean it’s such a simple game. You get six chances to come up with the five-letter word of the day along with color-coded hints every time you guess a correct letter. People were so into it, my parents say, that they “posted” their successes and failure daily online on something they called Facebook. I mean really! How lame does that sound? So of course, when I came around they decided to name me after the big national, (they say international) obsession of the time. Of course, they did. They thought it was so cute to give their son the name Wordle!

Yeah, really cute Mom and Dad! So hip of you! So progressive. So typical. When I was born they told all of their friends: “We got Wordle with one try!” Gives me the creeps just thinking about it, which I try not to do. And did you, for even a nanosecond, consider what having that kind of name would be for me to live with? Of course, you didn’t!

In elementary school, because no one had ever heard of that stupid game people played on what they called smartphones! Ahh the irony! And can you imagine technology being so disintegrated and confined to a 7-inch piece of plastic and glass? So anyway, in elementary school, they called me “Turtle” to have a word that made sense. And of course, this turned into “Turdle” in middle school which was very quickly shortened to Turd which has now stuck with me for the majority of my life so far. Thanks so much, Mom and Dad. My therapy receipts are in the mail for your considered reimbursement.

At my last session, my therapist, whom I call Queen V, suggested that I go ahead and change my name to whatever I wanted. She suggested that my future happiness was in my control and that the statute on parental crimes runs out at 21 and I needed to start taking responsibility for my own life.

“Dear Mom and Dad: I wanted to let you know that I am changing my name from Wordle to Tripp. I know that you gave me the name because you thought it was the coolest thing ever. It has not turned out to be that for me and I want to stop blaming you for my difficulties. I am changing my name to Tripp legally because it is close to the word journey and I feel like that’s what I need to do now: Go out on my own journey to figure out who I really am.

Love, Tripp (which is a 5-letter word! Ha Ha, I win), your son.”

— DanielSouthGate