Better Late Than Never

Pregnant, Alice, whose first name was really Marie, but switched to her middle name at seventeen because she wanted a happier sounding identity, was very pregnant. She and her mother-in-law, Anna, entered the Catholic Hospital. Nuns, like somber penguins walked the silent halls. Apparently, God’s work required a serious demeanor. They gave Alice the creeps.

One of the penguins toddled ahead of them leading Alice to her room. She was scared. “Dr. Weiner is running late,” the nun muttered. “He’ll be here as soon as he can to induce labor. We’re waiting for his instructions for medication.”

Alice got into bed and laid there pondering how she’d gotten to this stage of her life. Four years she had been married. Leonard and she didn’t think they could get pregnant. She was about to wave adios to him because he was the opposite of an ideal husband, but the puking began.

Reflecting on where they met always made her laugh. “In an elevator, “she liked to tell people. “We’ve had our ups and downs ever since.” It was funny until it wasn’t.

When they were waiting in line at the courthouse to get married a few months later, she changed her mind and wanted to leave. He grabbed her by the arm, squeezing hard until she felt a bruise forming as he pulled her back in the que. “You’re not going to embarrass me. We’re getting married.”

She should have run like hell then, but she didn’t and now she was stuck with him, a mother-in-law she really disliked and a baby, who refused to enter the world. Maybe the baby knew it was going to be a life of ups and downs with these people and didn’t want any part of it.

“Where’s the damn doctor?” Alice grumbled to Anna. Normally she and Anna said very little to each other but at this moment they were allies. Alice wanted her baby to be born and Anna wanted her first grandchild.

“I don’t like this place!” Alice started to tear up. She wasn’t really a crier, but this misery called for an exception. Expecting her mother-in-law to calm her down and tell her she was just nervous; she rested her head on the pillow and stared at the ceiling.

“I don’t either,” Anna responded. “Let’s get the hell out of here!”

Alice didn’t know if she was more shocked Anna was agreeing with her or by the use of profanity. Anna never swore. It was against her Prague values. “You could be choking on a mouthful of shit and refuse to say the word even to save your own life,” Alice always teased.

Alice didn’t argue. She maneuvered herself out of the bed and walked out of the room. Her bare butt was sticking out of the hospital gown. She lumbered to the public phone in the hallway, called Dr. Weiner’s office and yelled, “You couldn’t pay me to stay in this hospital. I’m leaving and the doctor is fired.”

The next day, Alice and Anna went to see a new doctor, Dr. Rezek. He took an x-ray and found the umbilical cord was wrapped around the baby’s neck. Had Weiner arrived on time and induced labor, the baby would have died and probably Alice as well.

A caesarean section was ordered. The baby girl was safely nestled in her grandmother’s arms. " Better late than never," Her grandmother cooed to the little one. Leonard was tardy to the hospital, as usual. He had wanted the baby named Melody because he was a musician. But Alice said, “He’s not here so what should we name her, Ma?” They conspired together and anointed the baby girl, Ann Marie.

— Mugsy