Waking into the Dream

Abby was sad to realize how much she fantasized about lying in bed all day reading. Eating bonbons, whatever those were. Napping occasionally. Then reading some more.

She knew this was probably a symptom of hating her job, but it was also something more. Even if she quit this job, she’d still want to lie in bed and read. She loved reading. She preferred to do this to all other activities. Once she thought this was a cool trait. Yet looking around at all the people wanting to do busy productive things, while she basically wanted to sit like a statue and produce nothing, clearly she’d been born with the wrong personality and desires.

Instead she read about upper class women in the eighteenth century who had nothing else expected of them besides good marriage and reading. She could’ve done that. She wouldn’t have complained.

Then there was the modern version of eighteenth century nobility: being married to a rich man.

There was so much less shame lying in bed in a big house in Scarsdale with a husband who made millions, compared to being an almost thirty year old single woman with two degrees, 107,000 dollars in student loans, two master’s degrees and a job working at Starbuck’s.

Could she, would she marry a rich man just for that life? It was morally wrong. You should marry for love, although having love wouldn’t stop you from wanting to lie in bed all day, reading. Abby had been in love with a guy almost as poor as she was. He was almost as lazy and she was so they understood each other right away, had the same view of things. Yet two lazy people living together was a recipe for disaster. They broke up after a year, even though this was the one man who truly seemed to get her. It wasn’t enough. He understood Abby and it made him mad. She understood him, his laziness, his wish that his video games could somehow be a job, the way she wished books could be a job. And that was that.

But a rich man? Could she be that calculating? Could she live with herself? Surely if she did fall in love with a rich man, because she made it easy to meet them, then it was all fun because it was for love.

So she set up an account on a dating app and only accepted dates from doctors, lawyers and engineers.

This is when she learned how many poor lawyers there were out there, even worse, burnt out and bitter from their public defender jobs. Then there were the liars, men who said they were doctors but instead were orderlies or technicians, or even worse drove Ubers but used to work as a doctor in their home country.

Abby soon realized looking for rich people in this conniving, under-handed way only got her other under-handed people who wanted a quick fix to their unhappiness.

So she stopped dating and took a lot of sick days, staying in bed and reading and not thinking about her steadily increasing student debt.

Then one day Bryan walked into Starbucks while she was finishing her shift, and everything changed.

— Von