Obviously every woman should–at one point in her life–take a pregnancy test in a public restroom.
The reasons for doing this are numerous.
One: you will then always remember this public restroom in exquisite detail, from the brown tile on the floor (meant to obscure the business of restrooms), the sound of the cashier calling out burger orders, the coldness of the toilet seat, which you’d sworn you’d never sit on but now in this moment of panic, you could care less.
Two: because it’s a public restroom you can’t have a complete breakdown as you realize your life will never be the same. The reality has become both very close up and very far away, as you envision the bestowing of motherhood at a hospital–and at same exact time– the negation of motherhood at a clinic. All your life you’ve been running from reality but now it’s caught up with you in this public restroom and no one can see or hear the silent screams you’re making.
One thing you should never do in a public restroom: get murdered.
As you stare at that stick with two lines you hear a commotion in the main cafe. People screaming, and then a barrage gunshots–so many gunshot– so close it feels like the bullets are going to come through the concrete walls. And then silence. That’s the worst of all – no one is screaming anymore because they can’t because they’re dead. And you can’t go out that door because you’ll be dead too. But you can’t stay here because you are trapped and that’s even worse.
Very quietly you step on the toilet seat and eye the small window on the upper wall of your stall. There’s a choice here to open that window and slide out as fast you can. But you’ll be so vulnerable while you do it. If you hesitate too long, you’re lost. Or maybe not, maybe whatever has happened out there was enough. Maybe the police are coming.
It’s only after the ordeal is over and you’re sitting in the police station– along with the one other cafe survivor – that you realize those two lines saved you from walking out of that public restroom too soon.
— Von
The reasons for doing this are numerous.
One: you will then always remember this public restroom in exquisite detail, from the brown tile on the floor (meant to obscure the business of restrooms), the sound of the cashier calling out burger orders, the coldness of the toilet seat, which you’d sworn you’d never sit on but now in this moment of panic, you could care less.
Two: because it’s a public restroom you can’t have a complete breakdown as you realize your life will never be the same. The reality has become both very close up and very far away, as you envision the bestowing of motherhood at a hospital–and at same exact time– the negation of motherhood at a clinic. All your life you’ve been running from reality but now it’s caught up with you in this public restroom and no one can see or hear the silent screams you’re making.
One thing you should never do in a public restroom: get murdered.
As you stare at that stick with two lines you hear a commotion in the main cafe. People screaming, and then a barrage gunshots–so many gunshot– so close it feels like the bullets are going to come through the concrete walls. And then silence. That’s the worst of all – no one is screaming anymore because they can’t because they’re dead. And you can’t go out that door because you’ll be dead too. But you can’t stay here because you are trapped and that’s even worse.
Very quietly you step on the toilet seat and eye the small window on the upper wall of your stall. There’s a choice here to open that window and slide out as fast you can. But you’ll be so vulnerable while you do it. If you hesitate too long, you’re lost. Or maybe not, maybe whatever has happened out there was enough. Maybe the police are coming.
It’s only after the ordeal is over and you’re sitting in the police station– along with the one other cafe survivor – that you realize those two lines saved you from walking out of that public restroom too soon.
— Von
It's amazing the difference 2 lines can make in your life. Very thought provoking writing. - opelikakat
ReplyDeleteProvocative. Read it miltiple times. Got more details each reading.
ReplyDeleteSuspensful, couldn't stop reading. What happens is unexpected and compelling. You had no hesitation about "going there." Well-done. ---Macoff
ReplyDeletethanks so much!
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