She pictures the name tag of this Guinness record holder spread across his broad German chest. Presumably, conference staff would have to connect at least three pieces of paper end to end to enter his full name. Most Germans she has known are tall and relatively wide from too much schnitzel and potatoes, but this name tag might have to run under his armpits.
Using her long-forgotten German, she translates his name into smaller English words. Wolves – Flail – Stone – Houses – Mountain – Village
She reasons Hubert’s distant ancestors may have had issues with angry wolves. She wonders if this is the etymology of the Three Little Wolves’ nursery rhyme, with all their huffing and puffing.
It’s late Friday night on a holiday weekend. She had to stay late to grade papers and feed the rats, so she was the only one in the Psychology Department. Her boyfriend is working late, and she’s in no hurry to get home.
She ponders Mr. W. as she paces up and down the hall, waiting for the rats to finish feeding. The professors in her department are all male and have their names prominently displayed on their office doors. Two of the names are of Polish origin - Zaborowski and Lewandowski. She’s always thought it unusual in a small department like hers there would be two Polish names. Her school is in the heart of SEC country, and there’s no pierogi or cabbage rolls within 1000 miles.
The rest of the door nameplates have short, boring surnames like hers, a piddly three letters, hardly worth writing when she signs a check. Given they are all male, she wonders if the ones with short surnames have inferiority complexes.
She sits in her office and pulls out some cardboard and a ruler. She carefully measures the cardboard and cuts it to the same width as the door nameplates. Then she starts writing on the cards in large block letters. On six of the cards, she writes SKI. The other two she leaves blank.
She returns to the hallway and tapes the new additions to the door nameplates. Now the nameplates read
Norm BartSKI
Norm EllerSKI
Paul WeissmanSKI
Dennis RancieSKI
Paul SagelSKI
She tapes the blank cardboard on the last two nameplates to cover the last suffix in their names.Now they read
Phil Zaborow
Ed Lewandow
That looks better, she thinks. She returns to check on the rats and decides she’s done enough damage for the day.
She may never be a record holder like Mr. Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, but at least she’s done her own tiny bit toward keeping the world weird. She locks the door and leaves, already tasting her first beer of the night.
— opelikakat
Using her long-forgotten German, she translates his name into smaller English words. Wolves – Flail – Stone – Houses – Mountain – Village
She reasons Hubert’s distant ancestors may have had issues with angry wolves. She wonders if this is the etymology of the Three Little Wolves’ nursery rhyme, with all their huffing and puffing.
It’s late Friday night on a holiday weekend. She had to stay late to grade papers and feed the rats, so she was the only one in the Psychology Department. Her boyfriend is working late, and she’s in no hurry to get home.
She ponders Mr. W. as she paces up and down the hall, waiting for the rats to finish feeding. The professors in her department are all male and have their names prominently displayed on their office doors. Two of the names are of Polish origin - Zaborowski and Lewandowski. She’s always thought it unusual in a small department like hers there would be two Polish names. Her school is in the heart of SEC country, and there’s no pierogi or cabbage rolls within 1000 miles.
The rest of the door nameplates have short, boring surnames like hers, a piddly three letters, hardly worth writing when she signs a check. Given they are all male, she wonders if the ones with short surnames have inferiority complexes.
She sits in her office and pulls out some cardboard and a ruler. She carefully measures the cardboard and cuts it to the same width as the door nameplates. Then she starts writing on the cards in large block letters. On six of the cards, she writes SKI. The other two she leaves blank.
She returns to the hallway and tapes the new additions to the door nameplates. Now the nameplates read
Norm BartSKI
Norm EllerSKI
Paul WeissmanSKI
Dennis RancieSKI
Paul SagelSKI
She tapes the blank cardboard on the last two nameplates to cover the last suffix in their names.Now they read
Phil Zaborow
Ed Lewandow
That looks better, she thinks. She returns to check on the rats and decides she’s done enough damage for the day.
She may never be a record holder like Mr. Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, but at least she’s done her own tiny bit toward keeping the world weird. She locks the door and leaves, already tasting her first beer of the night.
— opelikakat
Very funny. Good for her and good for you. Such a clever story.
ReplyDeleteReally enjoyed this. Great story.
ReplyDeleteVery fun tale! ---Macoff
ReplyDelete